I’m a single woman in my 40s, which means I do 100% of the household tasks. All of them. And the one I hate the most? Dishes.

Dishes feel never ending. You put some away, just to have to clean a new batch. When you’re the one doing all the cooking, it feels overwhelming to then have to do the cleanup. I just wanted to be done in the kitchen!

But if you don’t deal with them, they pile up, get harder to clean, and take over all the open surfaces. I’d leave them in the sink overnight and wake up with a chore already staring me in the face. Somedays that was okay, but most made me groan and put them off for longer.

And of course there’s a feeling of failure. I’m a grownup. It shouldn’t be this hard to keep my kitchen clean, but it feels monumental. Comparison easily creeps in – why is this so hard for me, when it seems so easy for everyone else? What’s wrong with me that I can’t do something this straightforward?

The Failed Attempts

Notice ALL the thoughts and emotions coming up here? Clearly I needed to do some self-coaching.

But first I tried just sheer willpower. Fail.

Then I tried doing them in the morning after I fed my dog but before I fed myself. But who wants to do dishes when you’re hungry? Fail.

And then I tried doing them at 7:15 every night. That worked for a bit, giving me a specific time. But ultimately another fail. But it started me thinking about what I liked about that daily rhythm and wondering how I could make it work.

What Actually Worked

And then I found it: a solution that works for me. I have an alarm on my phone that goes off every night at 8:40 pm, which also automatically starts an upbeat playlist of music that lasts 20 minutes. During that time, I unload the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, do the handwashing, and wipe down the counters and my kitchen table.

It’s been over 2 months now of successfully doing the dishes every day.

Why It Works (Or: The Coaching Part)

I’d say it was magic, but it was actually coaching. Let me explain.

When I thought about what was really bothering me about the dishes, it was that they always felt like they would take forever to do, and that they were a never-ending task. I was chafing at them being a daily need. Because I felt overwhelmed and frustrated, I avoided doing them, and made it a bigger problem. I needed to find a way to think about doing the dishes that wasn’t frustrating.

The 7:15 habit was a start, but that timing was actually too early – too close to dinner time, so I felt like I had JUST made dinner and now also had to clean.

By moving to 8:40, I had mental space between eating and cleaning.

Setting the alarm means I don’t have to decide when to do the dishes every night. It’s always the same time, which helps me avoid decision fatigue (something I struggle with a lot as a single person making ALL my daily decisions on my own).

And with my 20-minute playlist, I accomplished two things.

One, motivating music. My dog is not the biggest fan, but I actually love bopping around the kitchen, singing and dancing along to the music. (Are the Spice Girls anyone else’s guilty pleasure?)

And two, I was helping my brain recognize that 20 minutes is all it takes. This is not an insurmountable task that will take forever. I’ve done it enough times now that my brain KNOWS that the task will be done at 9 pm and we can rest. So I don’t get push back from my brain thinking that it will take too long, so why even start?

This is the power of coaching: it helps you identify the actual problem. It’s not that “I’m lazy and bad at adulting” but it’s actually “wrong timing + decision fatigue + overwhelm.” Recognizing that, you can then design a solution that works with how your brain actually operates.

What This Has to Do With You

This post is not about life hacks and my suggesting that you, too need an 8:40 pm 20-minute playlist to get your dishes done. It IS about what coaching does.

Coaching helps us realize that our struggles are not about a lack of willpower or discipline. Instead, dealing with struggles involves understanding how our particular brain works and finding thoughts and systems that work with it, not against it.

What’s your version of the dishes? What small problems keep you frustrated and feeling defeated?

Sometimes it only takes one shift in how you are thinking about it. And sometimes you just need the right support to figure out what that shift might be.

Want to see if I can help? Hop on a discovery call with me and let’s chat about if coaching might be right for you in this moment.

Now excuse me as I go sing and dance my kitchen clean!