I have many things in my life I’d like to change, yet I struggle to even get started, let alone finish any of them.

The timing’s not right. I’m not ready. I need to figure out X, Y, and Z first. 

(That last one is so common – so many other things need to happen before I can start the thing I need to actually do… or do they?)

Sound familiar?

It wasn’t until I started getting coached myself that I realized there was a LOT more going on than just putting things off. Behind my procrastination was perfectionism and fear of failure.

The Perfectionism I Didn’t Know I Had

I never identified as a perfectionist (have you SEEN my desk?) – I’m not tidy and organized, with everything lined up and easy to find.

But I am an oldest daughter and was a straight-A student. My self-identity strongly includes a desire to be right, to have the “correct” answer. And my phlegmatic temperament means that I value relationships and keeping things calm and even-keeled.

So what happens? I want to both have the “right” answer and for everyone to be happy. That is completely impossible to do, and therefore I put off doing whatever thing I need to do because I know I will fail.

I fall into what I call “productive procrastination,” where I do tasks that feel useful but aren’t actually what I need to be doing right now. It’s a lack of prioritization that’s hidden by a quick hit of accomplishment that disguises my fear of not being perfect.

When I need to write a blog post, I find myself researching endlessly, reorganizing my desk, doing anything BUT the actual work – because what if it’s not good enough? 

My procrastination isn’t about laziness or being undisciplined. It’s about if I can’t do something perfectly, I won’t start at all – because then I can’t be judged for an imperfect product.

And on the flip side, procrastination gives me a fallback reason for imperfection: I didn’t give myself enough time, so there’s an excuse for the result not being perfect.

What a terrible way to live, right?

And now at this point in my life (single, over 40), it hits even harder. As a single Catholic woman, this perfectionism trap is even more insidious. You feel like you should have it all figured out by now. And if you don’t, why bother trying?

Being single means there’s no one to share the burden with, so everything feels high stakes. I only have myself to blame for any “wrong” choice. And I often find it too easy to interpret the actual need to grow in virtue as the lie that “I need to be better before I deserve good things.”

Breaking Free From the Perfectionism Trap

Want to know what I discovered when I finally started examining the patterns of my procrastination? I tell myself so many lies!

In some of my coaching sessions, I uncovered thoughts I didn’t even know I was thinking:

• I never finish anything. (Patently untrue, but feels like there’s a lot of evidence for it!)
• I want everyone to like me. (Never going to be true and doesn’t need to be true!)
• I’m not good enough – take your pick at what. (SUCH a loaded thought!)

Bringing those thoughts to light and asking questions about where they come from, where they lead, and are they true, really showed me the hidden perfectionism behind my procrastination.

That interrogation is what revealed to me how many of my thoughts I consider protective, but they just hold me back from fully engaging with life and the world around me. God wants so much more for us!

What I’m Learning About Progress

What I continue to work on is starting imperfectly: progress over perfection.

The Camino taught me about walking at my own pace, making progress one step at a time, understanding that rest is part of what makes progress possible – but progress still requires our action. Procrastination robs me of the chance to make progress.

The big takeaway? You don’t need to wait until you’re perfect to start living the life God created you for.

Part of what you’ll learn in coaching with me is your temperament (how you naturally approach the world), as well as a journaling method to help you self-coach as you practice identifying your thoughts and interrogating them.

The result? NOT perfection, but the confidence that grows in taking small actions towards who you want to be, and who God made you to be.

A simple practice to try: When you notice yourself putting something off, write down the thought behind it. “I need to figure out X first” or “This won’t be good enough.” Then ask yourself: Is that actually true?

This is the beginning of the self-coaching work that can set you free.

Take Your Next Step

Curious if coaching could help you uncover the thoughts keeping you trapped in procrastination? Schedule a free discovery call with me to explore whether we’re a good fit to work together.

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